it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
