we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
