before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
