I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
