i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
