1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
