I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
