We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
how drunk are you?
Several
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