I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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