Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
