Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
