why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
