two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
