i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
