actually, I'm a sock model
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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