I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
