I could have mohawked her pubes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just want nice things and good sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
