Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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