I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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