Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
