this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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