If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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