I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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