hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
