he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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