True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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