brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
