it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Still dying that you shit outside
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
