hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
