You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
