haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
