Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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