she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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