I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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