O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I could fuck to npr.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
