:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
