unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
