Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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