im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
