tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
