Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
sarcasm needs its own font
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize