I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
