You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
