I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
