u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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