I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
