No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i will never coherently bang her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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