Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
