half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
