she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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