Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
