i think my mom watched the whole time
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
