I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
