i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
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I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I want is dick and wine.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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