i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize