don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize