I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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