DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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