Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
