first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
