he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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